I’m finally feeling more into the Christmas season. Somewhere between getting our Christmas tree, decorating the house, and watching Elf, my spirits lifted. I can’t put a finger on what it’s been exactly, but I’m chalking it up to Grace. I have been working so hard at trying to make myself feel better. Working, working, and working so much that I’ve only really succeeded in feeling defeated and drained. After my last post, I prayed; and it was the most honest prayer I’ve prayed in a long time. In essence, I told God that I have no idea what I’m doing, obviously, and I give up. I finally realized that I have to surrender to Him and stop trying so darn hard. After that, I honestly felt nothing. Blank. Not happy, not sad, not anything. I went through the motions of the day, and was honestly thrilled to no longer be caught up in the roller coaster of the day to day emotional thrill ride. It sounds depressing, but the lack of emotional response was a relief! It was only then that I was truly able to experience God’s Grace and the subtle peace that comes with accepting it. I started noticing little things. Things like how affectionate my cat daughters have been lately. I mean, my little babies have always been snugglers, but Maggie has been insistent on sleeping right 
on top of me every single night. She’s never really done that before. And Bella has been following me around the house and laying me right by my feet when I’m cured up on the couch. Besides that, I have been able to appreciate things like Saturday morning coffees with Henry, new Harry Potter movie releases, time with amazing friends, and cars that heat up quickly. I’ve finally been able to just be and then appreciate the simple and beautiful things that make up the fabric of my life. Now, I know that this could all go away. I’m not stupid. I am acutely aware that Grace is a gift you have to continuously accept and participate in it. But the good news is that it’s always available. If I lose it, I always have the opportunity to come back again. Amen.
on top of me every single night. She’s never really done that before. And Bella has been following me around the house and laying me right by my feet when I’m cured up on the couch. Besides that, I have been able to appreciate things like Saturday morning coffees with Henry, new Harry Potter movie releases, time with amazing friends, and cars that heat up quickly. I’ve finally been able to just be and then appreciate the simple and beautiful things that make up the fabric of my life. Now, I know that this could all go away. I’m not stupid. I am acutely aware that Grace is a gift you have to continuously accept and participate in it. But the good news is that it’s always available. If I lose it, I always have the opportunity to come back again. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment