Thanksgiving

I find myself smiling stupidly today.  I can’t help it.  I am so completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed by the people in my life.  I just have to thank God and humbly give thanks for my amazing family and friends.  It’s weird and a little awkward to say that I am thankful for my brain tumor, and subsequent infertility, but I am.    I’ve never felt so supported and surrounded by love.   I’ve always known that Henry is special, but it’s amazing to see his true character revealed over and over again as he’s loved and supported me throughout this rough little journey.  He’s even embraced my silly little patronus idea.   Just the other day, he bought me a little stuffed turtle while we were out shopping.  Oh my little patronus, how much I’ve grown to love thee. 

His name is Merlin

And, it’s been amazing to see how much others have grabbed on to the idea. 

I got this adorable notebook from one of my favorite friends who's been fighting the same TTC battle that we have. (Love you, Jilly!)  I've been using it to write down inspirational quotes as I see them...

Cute little Jewelry box type thing from my mama who has always found ways to make me smile...

Pin from one of my newest friendzies, Kylee  (we haven't been friends for a super long time, but, I'm not gonna lie, she's pretty awesome :))...

Just got this a few days ago from my wonderfully supportive aunts.  They have ALWAYS, ALWAYS been there for me and I adore them.  I can't wait to put it in my garden in the spring. :)...

And, I couldn't resist...I bought this for myself.  Gotta love retail therapy...

A little bump along the way (but not THAT bump)...

So, you know what really sucks?  Having to take pregnancy tests over and over and over again just to see another BFN!  Why do I continue to do this to myself?  I have to.  My endocrinologist told me to.  I don't have periods, and no one can tell me when/if my ovaries will ever start working again.  Therefore, I could miraculously become pregnant and not know it.  So, once a month, I take a test.  I know it's going to be negative.  I am painfully aware of this reality every single time, and yet somehow, I am completely crushed every time.  Yes, I am learning to maintain a much more optimistic attitude (see previous posts), but nights like tonight really suck.  As a double whammy, another high school friend just announced their pregnancy on facebook.  *sigh*  When can I just buy a ticket to pregnancy island??  When will it be my turn????